Soft Play hell!


So yesterday we decided to go to the ‘Play Barn’, horrible weather yet again so instead of us all going stir crazy we thought the ‘Play Barn’ was a good option, why do they have to name these places as somewhere exciting or interesting?  For me it is a place where literally you want to pull all your teeth out with a pair of pliers so the pain in your head takes over from the pain in your ears!  I am sure that the people that design these places ensure that the acoustics are such that the noise of screaming children just go around and around and never escape!  Here are my observations of the Play Barn, soft play area…..

  • Why do the adult men seem to be having more fun than the children?
  • Why are there always children who think it is clever to walk up the slides to ensure maximum impact for a child who is sliding down the slide?
  • Why are the up slider walker children parents always reading a paper, or playing with their phone and never actually watching the death defying stunts their children are doing?
  • Why are the stains on the soft play cushions dodgy?
  • WHY OH WHY do the parents who have children who are coughing like a seal bring those children to the ‘Play Barn’
  • You can guarantee that children over the age of 5, will be playing in the under 5’s only area
  • Balls from the ball pool will always be thrown out by boys
  • Part of soft play is for larger children to knock over smaller children
  • Food WILL be taken into the soft play area despite signs asking for it not to be.
  • There will never be a soft play session without tears from somebody
  • If you think you can fit through a gap or one of those roller things you can’t only a small petite adult can and a child, your boobs will end up getting stuck
  • Never wear low slung jeans if you are preparing to do some crawling around the soft play

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